I’m Not Enjoying Motherhood - What’s Wrong With Me?
If you’re reading this, you may feel like you’re failing at motherhood. You might wake up, feed your baby, change diapers, and then ask yourself: “Why don’t I feel overjoyed? Why isn’t this what I imagined?” You wonder: “What’s wrong with me?” I want to begin by saying: nothing is wrong with you — but you are hurting, and your feelings deserve attention, compassion, and care.
As a perinatal mental health counselor (that is, someone who specializes in the emotional and psychological well-being of birthing parents), I see this story so many times. Let’s talk through what might be happening, how to distinguish what’s “normal” from what’s a red flag, and what paths forward you have — including options like postpartum depression therapy in Houston, TX.
Why I’m writing this
The social narrative around motherhood often casts it as a state of bliss, fulfillment, and unconditional love from day one. We see photos of radiant, smiling new moms and perfect babies, and we consume messages that motherhood is “magical.” But for many people, that’s not the lived experience — especially in the early days, months, or even years. Feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, disconnected, or even resentful is common, and hidden. You may feel isolated, ashamed, or confused by your own mind.
I want you to know: you’re not alone. More importantly, you aren’t broken. You deserve empathy, understanding, and professional support if needed.
What you shouldn’t do (and how to talk back to that inner critic)
Before we dive into “what’s happening,” let’s pause on what many of us do automatically:
Don’t beat yourself up. That voice in your head telling you you’re failing, inadequate, “not grateful enough” — that’s not your truest self talking. It’s the part shaped by unrealistic expectations, comparison, fear, or shame.
Don’t stay silent. The stigma around admitting you’re struggling is powerful — but silence can make suffering worse. Talking (to a trusted friend, partner, or professional) can be a lifeline.
Don’t assume you just need to “tough it out.” If you were physically injured, you’d seek medical care; your mental and emotional health deserves the same.
As your counselor voice here, I invite you to gently challenge that inner critic:
“I’m doing the best I can under hard circumstances.”
“Feeling this way doesn’t mean I’m a bad parent — it means I’m human.”
“I’m not enjoying motherhood” — possible explanations
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but here are several overlapping possibilities. Sometimes more than one is present.
1. The shock of transition & unmet expectations
Going from “me” to “mom” is a seismic shift. Your identity changes, your body changes, your priorities shift. You’re learning a new job with no manual. When reality doesn’t match your internal narrative (“I’ll be joyful, present, everything will fall into place”), disappointment sets in.
You might have expected to love every moment. But the truth: not every moment is lovable. The days are long, you’re sleep deprived, you may feel invisible, and the newborn stage (or toddler phase) is messy. You may grieve your pre-mom self — that person who had fewer breaks, more spontaneity, more mental space.
2. Exhaustion and physical recovery
Sleep deprivation is a major culprit. Your brain on low to no rest is not the one you expected. Your capacity to think, feel, regulate, connect — it all gets frayed. You’re also still recovering physically (hormones, healing, possible complications like perineal pain, C-sections, etc.). When your body is taxed, your emotional reserves run out faster.
3. Hormonal & biochemical changes
After birth, your hormones shift dramatically. Neurotransmitters like serotonin, oxytocin, GABA pathways — all of these are in flux. For some individuals, that results in mood lability, irritability, or more persistent low moods. This is one biological piece of postpartum mood disorders.
4. Undiagnosed or under-recognized mood challenges (PPD, anxiety, OCD, PTSD)
It’s very common for new parents to struggle with mental health conditions such as:
Postpartum depression (PPD): persistent sadness, feelings of worthlessness, guilt, loss of interest, sleep or appetite changes, trouble bonding with baby, thoughts of harm (to self or baby).
Anxiety or panic disorder: constant worry, intrusive thoughts, racing heart, hypervigilance, trouble relaxing.
Postpartum obsessive-compulsive symptoms: intrusive, unwanted thoughts (like fearing you might accidentally harm your baby), repetitive mental “checking.”
Postpartum PTSD or birth trauma: if your birth was traumatic, or you had complications, you might relive that, feel unsafe in your body, or struggle with flashbacks.
If what you’re feeling feels deep, persistent, and interfering with your ability to function — that is more than “just normal tiredness.”
5. Poor social support or relational stress
Motherhood doesn’t exist in a vacuum. If your partner, family, or support network is not giving emotional, practical, or logistical support, you may feel isolated, overwhelmed, or unburdened. If your partner doesn’t “get it,” or if you are navigating relational tension (e.g. disagreements about child care, division of labor, changing roles), that can amplify any emotional distress.
6. Unresolved trauma or preexisting mental health issues
Sometimes feelings of overwhelm are stirred or worsened by past trauma, unresolved grief, or preexisting depression or anxiety. The arrival of a child can trigger deeply embedded emotions. The perinatal period is a sensitive window — everything can feel bigger.
7. Identity shift, loss of autonomy, needs unmet
You may feel you’ve lost autonomy over your schedule, body, and time. The little person you care for demands almost all your energy. You may neglect your own self-care, creativity, friendships, or sense of purpose outside motherhood.
What distinguishes “common struggle” from needing professional help?
It’s normal to have hard days or even hard stretches. But here are signs that what you’re experiencing may require professional support:
Persistent (more than 2 weeks) sadness, emptiness, hopelessness
Loss of interest in nearly everything you used to love
Trouble bonding with the baby or feeling ambivalent toward baby
Constant, excessive worry or intrusive thoughts (especially about baby safety)
Sleep problems beyond what’s expected (insomnia even when baby is sleeping)
Thoughts about harming yourself or your baby
Significant anxiety or panic attacks
Flashbacks, hypervigilance, nightmares about birth
Feeling disconnected from partner, overwhelmed by small tasks, losing interest in daily life
If you notice multiple signs above, reaching out for postpartum depression therapy in Houston, TX or your local area is not only reasonable — it’s an act of courage, love, and self-respect.
What "therapy" could look like (especially in Houston, TX)
If you live in or near Houston, TX, there are therapy options tailored to postpartum and perinatal mental health. Here's what a caring, specialist-informed therapy journey might include:
1. Assessment & screening
A qualified perinatal mental health counselor or therapist will begin with a thorough assessment: your mood history, pregnancy and birth experience, stressors, supports, and more. They may use validated screening tools for postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, and PTSD.
2. Psychoeducation & normalization
A key part of early therapy is just helping you understand what’s happening in your brain, your body, your environment. When you can name what’s going on (and that it’s common among new parents), it relieves shame and confusion.
3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
These evidence-based approaches help you identify unhelpful thoughts, reframe cognitive distortions (“I’m a terrible mom,” “I should feel ecstatic all the time”), and shift toward values-based living. You’ll learn coping tools — behavioral activation, mindfulness, self-compassion practices.
4. Exposure therapy / ERP (for intrusive thoughts / OCD)
If you struggle with intrusive thoughts or compulsive checking, a therapist trained in exposure and response prevention (ERP) can help you gently face those fears without acting on them. Over time, you reduce the anxiety tied to those thoughts.
5. Trauma-informed therapy
If your birth was traumatic or if past trauma is activated, a trauma-informed therapist can guide you through processing, grounding, and re-integration (e.g. EMDR, somatic techniques, narrative therapy, etc.).
6. Couples therapy / partner involvement
Sometimes improving relational dynamics — communication, fairness in child responsibilities, emotional connection — is key. Couples therapy or joint sessions can help partners understand what you’re going through and how to support you.
7. Support groups & peer connection
Group therapy or peer support (e.g. perinatal mental health support groups) brings the power of shared experience. You realize you’re not alone, and you can give and receive empathy.
8. Medication consultation (if needed)
In moderate to severe cases, an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication may be recommended. A therapist may collaborate with a psychiatrist or a maternal mental health provider. This is a personal decision and should be weighed with risks and benefits, especially if you're breastfeeding.
Practical strategies you can start today
Even before you find that perfect therapist, here are small, realistic steps you can take to hold yourself tenderly through this time:
Name it. When you catch yourself thinking “I’m a terrible mother,” pause and say: “I’m having that thought — and it doesn’t define me.” Create distance.
Micro self-care. You’re not going to take a 2-hour bath every day (though that’d be lovely). Instead: 2 minutes of deep breathing, 5 minutes stepping outside, 30 seconds of gentle stretching, listening to calming music while you nurse, or sipping tea in silence while baby sleeps.
Sleep in whatever ways possible. Nap when your baby naps. Trade off with partner. Lower baseline expectations for “productivity.”
Simplify. Reduce nonessential tasks. Let the house be messy sometimes. Use help (meal delivery, laundry services, ask a friend).
Connect with other parents. Open up: “I’m having a rough day.” Vulnerability invites reciprocity. You may find others feel the same.
Limit comparison & social media scrolling. You’re seeing highlight reels of other families — don’t assume that’s the full story.
Journal or track mood. Write a few notes about how you feel each day: emotionally, physically. Patterns may emerge you can bring to therapy.
Grounding & mindfulness. Practice 3-2-1 grounding (3 things you see, 2 you hear, 1 you feel) when overwhelm hits.
Gentle movement. Walk, dance, stretch — movement can shift mood. Don’t pressure yourself to “work out,” just move softly.
A real example (anonymized)
To help illustrate, here’s a hypothetical case based on real patterns:
Sarah, new mother to a 2-month-old, reached out saying: “I feel nothing. I don’t cry with joy. I resent that my body changed. I don’t feel close to my baby like I thought I would. Some days I just stare at the ceiling.” She also noticed she couldn’t sleep even when baby napped, and she replayed birth memories in disturbing detail.
In therapy, we worked together to:
Acknowledge grief — grief for the body she used to have, her old life, her expectations.
Learn to recognize intrusive thoughts (e.g. “What if I drop her?”) and let them pass without feeding them.
Rebuild small moments of connection (skin-to-skin, soft cooing, eye contact).
Reframe her inner narrative: “I feel disconnected, and that’s a sign I need help — not that I’m a bad mother.”
Process her birth story in a safe space, helping the trauma lose its grip.
Ask her partner to take on one nightly feed so she could get longer rest.
Introduce journaling: she wrote one compassionate letter to herself each week.
Over months, Sarah’s affect lightened. The “nothingness” softened into simple love, fatigue, and gentle wonder. The fog began to lift.
What you can’t “will” away
You can’t shame yourself out of depression or anxiety.
You can’t treat this with positive thinking alone.
You can’t wait for it to get better forever — sooner professional support often leads to quicker healing.
You don’t have to do this alone.
But — what if I should be enjoying this? Isn’t there something wrong with me?
Let’s reframe that question. “Should I be enjoying this?” The answer is: maybe — and maybe not (or not all the time). You might experience some moments of joy, but it’s unrealistic (and frankly unfair) to expect constant bliss. Joy and struggle often coexist. You may feel deeply loving toward your child but also profoundly tired, frustrated, or lost. That’s human, and that’s real.
Your brain and body are in flux. Your social supports may not be meeting you. You don’t have to pretend it’s easy when it isn’t. You don’t have to force gratitude or performance when your nervous system needs rest.
How to look for a therapist (especially in Houston, TX)
If you’re considering professional support — especially postpartum depression therapy in Houston, TX — here are key tips for finding the right therapist:
Look for perinatal / maternal mental health specialization. Ask: “Do you have experience with postpartum depression, anxiety, birth trauma, perinatal counseling?”
Comfort and trust matter. You want to feel safe, heard, respected — not judged. Your therapist should validate your experience and walk alongside you.
Ask about maternity/breastfeeding knowledge. If you are nursing, you may have concerns about medication impact. A therapist familiar with perinatal issues can collaborate with prescribers.
Look for flexible scheduling or telehealth. With babies, having flexibility is critical. Many specialists in Houston offer hybrid or virtual sessions.
Ask for referrals. Your OB, pediatrician, or local support groups can point to trusted perinatal mental health counselors in Houston.
What healing looks like (and what timeline to expect)
Healing isn’t linear — it’s messy, uneven, and unique. Some things to anticipate:
Mood may improve gradually, then dip again.
You may need to revisit grief, or trauma, or identity work.
You’ll cultivate practices (for self-care, boundaries, community) that feel sustainable for you.
You’ll gain deeper self-awareness of triggers, relational needs, and values.
You may shift your relationship with motherhood — from a fantasy to a real, evolving identity.
You’ll (ideally) move from surviving to thriving — or at least toward sustainable balance.
How long it takes depends on many factors: severity, support, resources, and willingness to engage in therapy. Some folks feel more grounded within a few months; others take a year or more. The good thing is: with the right support, most people make meaningful progress.
What loved ones (partners, family, friends) can do to help
If you’re reading this alongside a supportive partner or friend, here’s how you can help someone who’s struggling:
Listen without minimizing. (“I’m so sorry you’re hurting” is better than “You’re doing great — just push through.”)
Offer help with concrete tasks (meals, cleaning, laundry, watching baby so the parent can rest or go to therapy).
Encourage therapy — gently, lovingly, not as punishment.
Educate yourself about postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, and trauma.
Resist comparing her to other mothers.
Stay consistent: remind her she’s not alone, you see her, you trust her.
Words I want you to hear, right now
You are allowed to feel conflicted, tired, disconnected, sad. These feelings don’t make you a bad mother — they make you human.
You are not destined to feel this way forever. With help, things can shift.
You deserve kindness — from others and from yourself.
Seeking postpartum depression therapy in Houston, TX or wherever you are is a strong, brave act — not a failure.
Your baby (or babies) do not need a “perfect” mom; they need a present, safe, attached caregiver — and that includes one who is healing, growing, and reaching out.
Call to action: what you can do right now
Check in with yourself. Rate your mood (1–10), list your hardest thoughts, identify any red flags (see earlier table).
Reach out. Call a trusted person, send a text, or share this blog post.
Search for a specialist. Google postpartum depression therapy in Houston, TX (or your local area).
Schedule one appointment. Even if you feel unsure, schedule one therapy consult.
Plan a micro-ritual. Something kind just for you: a quiet cup of tea, 5 minutes of journaling, a short walk.
Final thoughts
Motherhood, especially the early stages, is demanding, disorienting, and full of tension. Many mothers carry secret suffering beneath the surface of the “happy baby smile” social media posts. If you don’t feel enthusiastic or beaming all the time — that doesn’t mean something is inherently wrong with you.
What matters is how you respond to your own pain. Will you lean into shame and silence? Or will you gently reach for understanding and support? A compassionate, evidence-based professional can help you shift from “I’m not enjoying motherhood” toward “I’m healing, I’m learning, I’m more resilient than I believed.”
If you’re in Houston, TX, or in a location with perinatal mental health resources, I hope you’ll consider postpartum depression therapy in Houston, TX — it’s a beautiful, brave step toward reconnection, restoration, and courage.
You deserve care — and you deserve to find your way gently through this. You are not broken. You are not alone. You are enough, and help is out there.
Struggling With Early Motherhood? A Postpartum Therapist in Houston, TX Can Help You Feel Like Yourself Again
You expected some of the same challenges—but not this kind of emotional weight. If you’re feeling more overwhelmed, more irritable, or more disconnected the second time around, you’re not imagining things. A postpartum therapist in Houston, TX can help you untangle the guilt, exhaustion, and sadness that’s been building behind the smile you put on for your kids.
This is not your fault. This is not forever. And this season doesn’t have to define your story.
Learn how PPD therapy can help you feel calmer, safer, and more like yourself
You are not alone. You are not broken. You are worthy of peace.
More Support for You and Your Family at Sarah Duran Psychotherapy
Intrusive thoughts can be one of the most isolating parts of new parenthood—but especially when this isn’t your first time, and everyone expects you to have it all figured out. At Sarah Duran Psychotherapy, we offer compassionate, nonjudgmental care for postpartum anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and the hidden emotional struggles so many parents carry. In addition to working with a postpartum therapist in Houston, TX, you can find support for birth trauma, fertility grief, and the complex realities of parenthood long after the early weeks have passed. However scary or unexpected your thoughts may feel this time around, you are not alone—and help is here when you're ready.
